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The world of Impossible…

I turned the final page. A smile across my face reaching out to my eyes. It was yet another happily ever after. So pretty is the world of books- a place where you find your true self, where dreams meet hopeful realities. An expression of love, happiness, pain and a plethora of emotions all packed together in a bunch of pages. 
I have always lived in this world, the world of fantasy, possible impossibilities. 

And so am I, sewing one. Every day the needle down and up, stitch by stitch for the perfect blanket that would engulf me in its warmth, enough to hold me together for forever.

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‘Let it be’

“My eye hurts mom.”, whispered Sam.

I pulled him closer and deeper my heart sank. 
With the reports in hand, I walked inside.

One step forward and my faith beside.

It never came back once I stepped out of that door,

My world shattered and my pulse sore.

‘Cancer’ they said to my 3 year old,

He’ll be cured, don’t be dispirited, stay bold.

I closed my eyes, screamed within,

Walked out and stopped feeling anything.

Hugged him firm to sleep that night,

Next morning, we left on the first flight!

The best in the country, to treat your son.

Didn’t think twice, just made the run.

White walls, white linen,

Sam lay there, fighting the villain.

Unaware, confused and lost,

I had no answers to his inquest non-stop.

Tests and syringes and reports,

His tears and little cries, in my ears still roar.

They started the chemo, and the real test began,

Haven’t seen a stronger being, than Sam.

They made him lay on his back, and injected his spine.

Tears rolled down his cheek, but he never whined.

I was insensitive, with pain and love,

All I knew was my son, for the next few months.

If we give him the medicine said the doctor,

That’s half his treatment, for the other half of the story, you’re the author.

My mom was here and my sister,

I wanted to just cry holding onto her.

But it was time for Sam’s next meal.

This time which way could I trick it into him..

Popeye, the Dino, or the plane,

His bitter tongue made everything taste the same.

Three weeks down, and another dare,

There it lay on his pillow, a thick tuft of hair.

We got his head shaved, cause a days despair,

Was better than waking up each day scared!

Got up at 5, had I even slept,

Woke him up, made him have a banana and sang him back to bed.

He lost weight, was as thin as a rake.

A few months of the treatment, and

this time he gained.

Every night I fought inside my head.

Why my son, why not me on the bed.

Stared at the walls, looked at him by my side.

Down another day, tomorrow, how will I survive?

Three quarters of a year, finally the last round of tests,

A heavy heart and an unknown unrest.

“You’re good to go Sam!”, the doctor asserted.

“You’ve been a very brave boy, God bless you!”, she added.

We hurriedly left the chamber, drove back home.

The one room apartment, our humble abode.

We packed our bags, a sense of relief.

Bid the city adieu, never again to see!

As soon as I sat in the car and looked behind,

A tear rolled down and I sobbed like a child.

The strength that I held for these last months, broke apart!

It was a new birth for my child, a second chance.

Even today when my mind wanders off in that time, I cry

Sam may not remember but a fear is always by.

It took a part of me that I left back there.

Never to return, only more strength and fear.

My faith is reinstated, but only in me.

I left the past, but it never left me!

Money means happiness ? 🤔

Money, mankind’s enemy!

The root of all greed, 
The source of all differences in the world today.

All people want is, more of it;

Bag fulls, not a space of another penny ..

Yet more!

Rather than love,

The essence of life!

How beautiful it was,

Without this bait,

A simple bonded life.

The one for which you strived,

One gave away pecks of happiness,

In exchange for theirs.

Art was one of pride, 

And today it stands, 

Just a means of bribe! 

What not for money;

People do.

What all for money; 

They give away..

Happiness and pleasure, 

Is in a rich living.

A rich life,

Is not one that will stay !

Memories and love, 

One holds still in mind.

You thought money would;

But it only made you blind. 

‘The pain of giving someone the same is more than inflicting it on yourself…’

A heart full of words ..

Struggling to let out everyday ..

It keeps trying cause it is painful ..

But more painful is the thought of the consequences that will follow if it does…

How long will it hold, how long will it wait …

How long will it keep calm and patient ..

It holds on .. Feels the pain ..

Cause it doesn’t want anyone else to feel the same ….

It keeps waiting, waiting to let all out..
To ease itself of all the pain..

But what will happen if it does so ..

Once the things come out ..

It will be happy, satisfied, lighter, at peace ..

But a peace that will bring along pain and sorrow too …

Guilt, shame and loss ..

And so it chooses to die everyday..
Only to live ..

Lives ..to make someone smile ..

Lives ..to make someone proud ..

Lives ..to satisfy ..

Lives ..only to die ..!!

Are WORDS always enough ?

Words don’t suffice, often

 Emotions bursting deep within!

Of love and pain and bliss,

That unfurl you, beneath the skin.

They unlock locks to locked layers,

Open passages to unexplored doorways,

Creating a plethora of new experiences

Re-defining you, everyday!

They say ‘Too much of anything is bad’;

Have you experienced too much love ?

Or felt too much pain ?

You’d know, it’s a mask, above.

But below the infinite covering,

The universe has evolved.
Creating a havoc inside;

Around the planets, the sun starts to revolve.

You shine brighter, cry harder.

Push your limits further, soar higher!

The stone polished and glistening,

A diamond fiercer!

But words aren’t often enough,

To express this beautiful moulding,

That our soul endures,

Only to be conquered yet winning!

The mirror where I cannot see my own reflection…

The glass in front of me;

Dark, stained with blood.
I try to look through,

All I see is a pair of red eyes,

Staring back at me;

Not with rage, but with pain

Not fiercely but with pity.

It wanted to come out

But I pushed it back with every breath.

I wanted to pull it out

And I did, 

And when I’m rid of it;

I want to reach out 

To it’s hands

But they slipped away.

How I wish I could hold onto them!

But all in vain,

Cause they were my hands

Blood stained;

That tore it to pieces,

Murdered it, so that it could do me no harm,

Killed it’s innocence, suppressed it bloom!

Even before its lips could bend 

I turned it’s smile into a cry. 

A cry that couldn’t be heard,

But I felt the pain inside,

Cause it was mine.

I tore down it’s wings

Before they grew;

Abandoned it without a curve on my face.

But today when I’m free of my mistake, 

Cleaned of all my guilt,

I stand in front of the mirror

It stays empty!

My reflection; 

Where did it go ?

I killed it with my own hands!